So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
