They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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