Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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