If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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