I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize