it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
