We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
