so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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