He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
