separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
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It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize