I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
