I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize