i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
