Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I cut my penus on the lid.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
