I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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