our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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