Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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