at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
