I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
