that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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