i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
