A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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