At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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