Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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