Don't make out with my wife yet
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
