I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
