we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
