I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
