Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
