Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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