Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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