Pregnant stripper...not hot.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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