yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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