wrigley field is MILF paradise
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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