Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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