my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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