i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Dicks are not precious.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize