My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
