susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
