Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
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You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
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Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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