Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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