im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
they need to just BURY HIM!
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
