So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
