She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
where am i from again
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
