why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
