So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
