i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
