theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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