Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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