I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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