YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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