meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
