Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I didn't notice because vodka
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
