My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
