I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
