Whod you bang
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
