I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
