I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
