She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
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Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
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I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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