she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Every concussion has its silver lining
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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