I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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