I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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