White coat. Heels.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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