I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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