We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
