his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I can feel your judgement through the phone