His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
