i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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