meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
