so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
