i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
