I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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