Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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