The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
