I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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