I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
