sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
